Out of Polygamy Weblog

The blog of Kathy Jo Nicholson who grew up under the teachings of the FLDS prophet Warren Jeffs who was her headmaster at Alta Academy in Sandy, Utah.  Kathy shares her thoughts on the situation in Eldorado and the fate of the YFZ children.

Free the children?

I’ve spent some time looking back over old Alta Academy year books. Most of the women from YFZ that you see in the media attended or taught at Alta. Warren Jeffs at that time was the headmaster of the school. Some of the women became his wives. I see their faces in the yearbooks and I ask myself, “What would they be like today if they had the same opportunity to be removed that the YFZ children now have?

Many people comment on how emotionless the women appear. This occurs over a lifetime of sacrificing your feelings for the sake of “the Work” or “the Principle”. Warren Jeffs used to come up behind me, grab me by the scruff of my neck and give it a very tight squeeze. “Are you keeping sweet?” He’d ask in a low voice.
I knew what this really meant: Was I sacrificing all my feelings or were some starting to surface and I was refusing to stuff them down? I knew it meant my “cuteness” was showing and that was bad. I wasn’t to look at the boys and they were not supposed to look at me. But sometimes we cast glances, talked during study hall, and passed notes. Passing notes got me into quite a bit of trouble and caused one boy to be kicked out of Alta.

You weren’t to laugh out loud, only behind your hand so that others wouldn’t see. You were not to express sadness or anger or contempt or jealousy. Just Keep Sweet. Sew that on your pillow little girls. Grow up to be just like your mothers. Women who are afraid to feel, afraid to be afraid. After all fear is an emotion, too. Just stop thinking, stop feeling and obey…obey with unquestioning obedience.

Steve Hassan author of Combating the Cultic Mindset says one aspect of destructive mind control found in abusive groups or an abusive person is the attempt to control your thoughts and your emotions. That was a daily experience for me. I didn’t know it was mind control. I thought it was religion. I thought that it was what made you holy. Warren Jeffs preached to us “Perfect obedience produces perfect faith.” Don’t think, trust the Prophet to think for you. I was strong willed and that saved my life. There was a part of my will that just wouldn’t succumb and it would surface and usually get me into trouble.

Out of Polygamy

My name is Kathy Jo Nicholson. I was raised in Sandy, Utah. My father had 3 wives. We were members of what I now know is a destructive mind-control cult called the FLDS (Fundamental Latter-Day Saints). We practiced the original teachings of Joseph Smith the founder of the Mormon religion. These teachings include the practice of plural marriage (polygamy) in order to go to heaven.
I attended Alta Academy a private school run by Warren Jeffs. I hope to use this blog to describe to you what it is like living in the FLDS and under polygamy. I hope to include thoughts on the recent developments in Texas at the YFZ compound. I want to help create awareness of this reality: These things are true, they are happening, and they are happening here in the USA while many turn a blind eye. Reading my blog may change your life or it may make you more complacent. Because once your learn the truth you have to decide what you will do about it. Hopefully, you will choose to make a difference.

Sweet and Strong,

Kathy Jo