I’ve spent some time looking back over old Alta Academy year books. Most of the women from YFZ that you see in the media attended or taught at Alta. Warren Jeffs at that time was the headmaster of the school. Some of the women became his wives. I see their faces in the yearbooks and I ask myself, “What would they be like today if they had the same opportunity to be removed that the YFZ children now have?
Many people comment on how emotionless the women appear. This occurs over a lifetime of sacrificing your feelings for the sake of “the Work” or “the Principle”. Warren Jeffs used to come up behind me, grab me by the scruff of my neck and give it a very tight squeeze. “Are you keeping sweet?” He’d ask in a low voice.
I knew what this really meant: Was I sacrificing all my feelings or were some starting to surface and I was refusing to stuff them down? I knew it meant my “cuteness” was showing and that was bad. I wasn’t to look at the boys and they were not supposed to look at me. But sometimes we cast glances, talked during study hall, and passed notes. Passing notes got me into quite a bit of trouble and caused one boy to be kicked out of Alta.
You weren’t to laugh out loud, only behind your hand so that others wouldn’t see. You were not to express sadness or anger or contempt or jealousy. Just Keep Sweet. Sew that on your pillow little girls. Grow up to be just like your mothers. Women who are afraid to feel, afraid to be afraid. After all fear is an emotion, too. Just stop thinking, stop feeling and obey…obey with unquestioning obedience.
Steve Hassan author of Combating the Cultic Mindset says one aspect of destructive mind control found in abusive groups or an abusive person is the attempt to control your thoughts and your emotions. That was a daily experience for me. I didn’t know it was mind control. I thought it was religion. I thought that it was what made you holy. Warren Jeffs preached to us “Perfect obedience produces perfect faith.” Don’t think, trust the Prophet to think for you. I was strong willed and that saved my life. There was a part of my will that just wouldn’t succumb and it would surface and usually get me into trouble.
2 responses so far ↓
MaryLu // April 23, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I appreciate your insight about the FLDS. I have been quite interested in this topic as I left the LDS church nearly 20 years ago. Many of the same miond controlling thought are spoken in the regular LDS church as well. Many people say they are different, there are no similarities, but I would beg to differ.
I grew up thinking those same things, listen to the prophets, obey and “be sweet” be pure, stop thiking unclean thoughts.
I felt so unworthy most of my life and grew tired of striving for the perfection and acceptance I sought after.
It wasn’t until Jesus Christ drew me out of this cult that I learned true freedom and love through His saving work on the cross.
Again, thank you for spreading the word about this dangerous cult.
Linda // April 23, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Hi Kathy, My heart breaks for you every time I’ve seen you on TV the past few weeks. You are one VERY strong woman and don’t let anyone ever convince you differently. I applaud the State of Texas for having the guts to stand up and do what is right for all of these kids….I do pray they will have the chance to make something of their lives like you are doing with yours. Always remember that the true God is there with you and will see you through this. Want to help…..don’t know what to do!! God Bless You!!!